Late Night Rambling Number Two

So I was feeling nostalgic and went to my blog archive.

I was reading through the month of March and found this post Here.

Wow, March seemed like a rough month.

Good thing I don't remember much about it. Ha!

Well, lots has changed since that last March post in 4 months!

Crazy how life happens.

And a lot that has to do with life and what is happening is timing.

Recently what has changed from the March post is that I have been working and living in Provo since the beginning of May. And it has never been better! My job is not amazing, but my manager treats me well, my co workers are good people who I can talk to and get along with, and I don't dread going to work every time I need to go to work. Some days I do because you just have those days, but overall, my job is da bomb.

I have made new friends being back in the ward as well! Some really good ones who will also be staying for Fall and Winter. So it will be nice to already know familiar people and know familiar faces. They have been keeping me busy and have helped me a

lot in being happy and content here. They are willing to do things with me and are uplifting people in general. I have forgiven those who have hurt me before, but have moved on to better friends and set better standards to those friends I do make. And I have never been happier.

I am living in little ol' apt 12 for Fall and Winter again with my friend Liliana, so I am excited!

I have my schedule for Fall Semester, and it's going to be bomb. I think.

have good friends and family who keep encouraging me to pursue my dream of being a PT.

I am doing what makes ME happy.

I am traveling, working, and spending time with family and friends.

I am dating and finding people who help me learn what I want.

I am finding the unexpected in what I didn't expect for myself and what I thought I knew what I wanted.

I am setting new standards and am happy with my choices.

Thinking of everything that is happening right now,

I am surprised at how much I don't feel in a huge conflict with myself or with what The Lord wants me to do.

I am not trying to say I am not confused or frustrated at times,

but overall, I have a feeling of peace and security that I am doing the right things.

As well as, what is happening is not just fluke or a consequence I have to deal with,

but it is a stepping stone, stumbling block, a trial that I feel h

as come when I need it.

It is here to help me progress which is what I have been wanting for a while now.

And knowing I am going through this is something that gives me hope in Heavenly Father that He is still aware of me. That he trusts me to trust myself to make good decisions that are a part of his plan for me.

And once I make those decisions, he will help me know if I am on the right track.

The hard part is that I want to make the right decision the first time, so I only have to do it once.

This is going to take a couple months of consideration and lots and lots and lots of prayer.

It's not easy being patient when you want things to start progressing now. But I am trying so hard to be true to myself and everyone around me.

I may not reveal everything at once, but that's what timing is about right?

I need time to still figure this out for me also and figure out what is best for me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I am reaching down into the most special and sincerest places of my own self. It is frightening. Can I be honest with myself? Can I do what's best for me and not care about what people's judgement may be? I care about their opinions and what they think is best for me, but can I stand up for myself, can I stand up to me?

See, I still have questions,

but I am feeling blessed to be trusted enough to use my agency to keep progressing in doing what The Lord would have me do to ultimately be

Happy.

***

“God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you to not only face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future-to LOVE it and REJOICE in it and DELIGHT in your opportunities. God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe.

~Jeffrey R. Holland

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

"Your decision to think right, choose right, and do right will rarely if ever be the easiest course to follow."

- President Monson

"You do not find the happy life - you make it."

- President Monson

"We are always more afraid than we wish to be, but we can always be braver than we expect."

- Robert Jordan, Lord of Chaos