So. . .
Life is o.k.
Nothing has really been happening the way I was hoping or expecting this summer.
And usually when you have expectations, you get what you don't expect.
Go figure.
Is it karma?
I'm pretty sure I don't believe in that.
Is it Heavenly Father trying to teach me something or more like teaching me multiple things?
I'm sure I believe that.
The good news.
I got a job.
At the university mall in Orem.
It's part time, at a tie store, where my awesome cousin also works.
Yes, nothing professional or great.
I'm limited with no car and not much going for me.
But it is something to get by with.
At least it's something and they pay higher than minimum wage.
And I do feel like it is an answer to my prayers.
Hopefully I'll be moved back to Provo soon closer to friends I have/had.
Hopefully in a couple of weeks if I can work it out.
I'm hoping this is the right direction.
I feel like it's the best for now.
And whenever I prayed for the opportunity to get this job,
it came through sooner than expected.
And sooner than any of the other options I had prayed about.
I'm nervous about the next step of preparation.
Figuring out where to move back to
and starting the new job.
(Which is tomorrow, by the way)
I hope that after I take these next few steps and figure out where I am supposed to be,
that this is what will best for me
and what will help me be a better a person
and a happier one.
These first couple of weeks after school have not been easy.
There are plenty of times where I feel like I don't know where I belong.
(Salt Lake, Provo, Missouri? What is home? Where is home?
ugh...I'm starting to cry. pathetic.)
Plenty of times where I feel like a college loser.
(I'm not doing any internships, getting experience for a career, or taking classes)
Plenty of times where I'm so. so. lonely.
(I only know my grandma. cousins. aunts and uncles. mom. and brother in Salt Lake, and my mom and grandma are the only ones I see everyday, sometimes more just like my grandma only)
Plenty of times where I have dreams about traveling to just get away from everything.
(especially to Paris. Even checked the flight rates on the internet just to torture myself)
Plenty of times where I get so annoyed with people for complaining about their awesome jobs and awesome itineraries for the summer
(Seriously? Just stop worrying and go have fun! You at least know where you are headed and most importantly doing something you want to do.)
Plenty of times where I read the same scripture over and over again to humble my big head and hard heart to renew my faith and get me out of this pity party that I just detailed to you and it is what is hitting me EVERYDAY
(Alma 32:16-18, 21)
Hopefully I'll learn to let it loose a little more.
Live a little more
in the moment
Trust The Lord in putting me in places I didn't want to go
and where I won't want to go
and go to those places no matter what
with less fear
with less hesitation
replaced with more faith
more preparation
more motivation
with what I've got
which is NOT a lot.
But I'll learn it is enough.
“I would encourage you to not be afraid of the future. Don’t let anything that’s going on in the world, that’s happening now, to slow you down in your progress in mortality.”
“My counsel to you tonight is, do not lose your faith. Go forward with faith. . . . Faith is one of the greatest powers that you and I have in this sojourn of mortality.
“Enjoy the future, Prepare, my beloved brothers and sisters. When the Lord needs you, you’ll be able to say, ‘Here am I; send me.’”
-Elder Ballard
No comments:
Post a Comment