SUNday

I tried looking for a picture to show you what I am about to describe to you...

but google images was not doing any justice to what I saw and felt today.

So you will just have to bear my words and picture it for yourself.

I can't go into any super depth about what happened to me this week or this morning because it is something personal that has some kind of sacred feelings attached to it.

But I will tell you, this week has been a pretty standard, maybe a little more busy than normal, school week. But emotionally, it has been the hardest thing ever! And it has been throwing me for a loop. Feeling defeated, discouraged, and frustrated with myself. And someday's, I could literally feel like I was being spiritually punched in my gut. I was battling every day with myself and what was going on with my emotions.

Well fast forward to Sunday, I literally woke up...and just locked myself up that morning. I hardly talked or looked at anyone, I wasn't smiling, I was being prideful, I was discouraged and frustrated with who I am and I couldn't figure out how to change. I went to church with my roommate and I just read some of my journal and some scriptures looking for an answer. I wasn't finding what I needed very well. After we took the sacrament, our bishopric member was bearing his testimony about hymns and it made me think of one of mine called O My Father...lets just say thinking about that hymn...I started crying. I left sacrament and my roommate Jane followed. I couldn't talk to anyone then, I had so many feelings and was overwhelmed...and when I cry I'm a mess and can barely talk. Well, Jane and I decided to leave church so I could think or talk or whatever I wanted. She is so kind. But the part that I want to describe to you most is about when Jane and I sat in the temple parking lot.

We weren't even in a parking space. Just in the middle of the road of the parking lot parked as close as we could to the front of the temple. It was raining and cloudy when we got there. And after I was able to talk to her for a little while and she talked to me, the sun came out of the clouds literally over the top of the mountain right behind the temple and was shining into her car keeping us warm. It was like a scene from a movie as Jane put it. I agreed and said it was also a tender mercy from The Lord just showing he loves us. And I have felt so much better and more free from that burden I had all week. It's amazing the peace and power the temple has even just being on the grounds to help me feel closer to my Father in Heaven. It's amazing how wonderful of a roommate I have who helped me and we were able to have one of the most spiritual conversations that I have had in a while.

As Jane and I left the temple parking lot her words that remind me to keep going are,

"We can do this."